Seeing it on paper
Ive found that I randomly get sad and want to run after the AXBF and whine & cry and say "see me, just tell me I'm OK and that you care about me" When I get this way I know rationally I'm not really sad about him I'm just feeling those feelings from childhood that I have not successfully delt with. So, to get me back to reality I write down/make a list of the things I liked and things I disliked about my AXBF. Even if I have to write it down daily it helps me concretely see that I don't miss him nor the relationship I'm just uncomfortable like a little kid with my feelings about myself. My list in case anyone wants to know includes only 7 positives : good looking, good kisser, handy with home improvement things, bought me things, can fix cars, affectionate when present, knows computers/technology. My list of dislikes included 20 to 21 things : his drinking, inability to validate my feelings, lack of interest in my life, not making time to talk/check in with each other, overall communication, self-centered, financially irresponsible, calling only when drunk or after his more important things were done(ie drink), different priorities he slept all day or most of day on weekends I like to get up go mountain biking have brunch ect., misses work frequently, lives with a roomate, no savings, does things for others bc he has an alterior motive not bc he wants to give back to community, bedroom issues, not supportive emotionally, couldn't joke around with me, he likes to isolate, my friends dislike him, doesn't take care of his dog. I could and will probably add more. Reading this quickly reaffirms to me I DO NOT LIKE this man. Now back to working on me bc when I do I won't feel so bad anymore.
Source: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/269724-seeing-paper.html
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