When You Feel like Your Partner is Sabotaging You | Blog posts by ...

Relationships can be some of your most wonderful experiences and sometimes your most challenging experiences.? Learning how to communicate in relationship can feel like a struggle at times and at other times you feel as if the communication is amazingly simple.

What creates an environment where you feel communication is working well or not working well?? Believe it or not, you?re feeling successful in relationship, is directly related to your values.? When you perceive that your partner in relationship is supporting your values you feel as if communication is going well.? When you feel like your partner is challenging your values you feel as if you?re in need of better communication in the relationship.

You might be thinking? ?What in the world is she talking about????

I was talking with a client of mine last week who was troubled about her relationship.? She was troubled because her husband had started working out before she got home from work.? Then after she got home he was ready to move forward and have dinner.? She was getting a little frustrated at not being able to work out after work.? She was feeling like her husband was sabotaging her efforts to work out.

Then as she shared more she indicated that she had also had a similar problem with her previous husband.? When it had happened with her previous husband this among some other issues had begun to drive them apart.? She certainly didn?t want that to happen in this relationship as she was choosing to make this marriage work.

Then I asked her if she had discussed with her husband what his reason was behind changing his schedule and working out before she got home.? I mentioned he likely was choosing to this strategy to achieve something that was important to him, though not to purposefully sabotage her.

The light bulb went on for my client when she realized that he really may have been doing it as he perceived it somehow served his highest values to shift his schedule.? My client began to see that he might not have realized about how he was challenging her values of physical health.

In relationships each person in the relationship will act according to achieving their highest values.? A persons highest values are usually highest in three of the seven ?areas of? Spiritual, Mental, Financial, Career, Social, Physical, or Familial.? What values are most important to an individual, they will have the energy and the time to do those things.? Their lower their values , normally the bottom three of the seven area of their life, they won?t have time or energy for.

You as an individual have in your mind what success looks like to you.? You will do your best to be successful which entails living your life according to your highest values.? When you are in relationship with someone else you then get the opportunity of learning how to manage you achieving your highest values along with your partner achieving their highest values.

Often times in life a couple?s highest values are exactly opposite of their partners.? That is because in relationships you attract to you, your complement, to help you love the parts of yourself you haven?t loved yet.

What works best in relationships is to love your partner for their highest values.? Begin to see how their highest values benefit and serve you.? The reciprocal is equally as important, so helping your partner to also see how your highest values serve them.

When things happen in your relationship, stop and consider that your partner is only working to fulfill their highest values- not to purposefully sabotage you.? Have a conversation with your partner and inquire as to their strategy or purpose for achieving their values in that form or in that way.? Then consider expanding the conversation to include how you can both achieve your highest values and what may or may not be compromised by both of you for you to both succeed in your highest values.

Remember, when you are angry or frustrated in a relationship it means you feel your values are being challenged.? Remember to ask you how this experience is benefiting you as you proceed forward to begin to have a conversation with your partner.? Your partner is unable to read your mind, so be thoughtful and share with them about what you perceive your values to be and how you perceive your values are being challenged.? You will be amazed at how much you can grow in your relationship by communicating and practicing these skills.

Janis Robinson with Robinson Equation.

Effective solutions for you: business mastery or personal consultation for optimization, transformation, growth and stabilization processes and services including human behavior & systems processes.

Source: http://janisrobinsonblog.com/2012/07/24/when-you-feel-like-your-partner-is-sabotaging-you/

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